guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
