Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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