How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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