Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
