We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
