Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
