maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She bit a glass in half.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
