Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
