I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
