i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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