How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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