I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
