He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
