I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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