im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
