You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
