I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
