So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
