So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
