Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
