i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
