fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
