I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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