If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
