Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
