I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
