My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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