I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
