He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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