I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
