He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
