arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
