you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
