you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
