yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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