Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
