Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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