I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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