I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
