i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
