Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
