Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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