I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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