I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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