Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
