did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
