You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
