just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
