I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
