I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
