omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
