White coat. Heels.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
