I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
