Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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